What value?

As I have sat alone in silence tonight those nagging thoughts have once again invaded my head. I hate them and tonight, no amount of positive self-talk quiets the noise that rings in my ears.

Tonight's internal argument revolves around the issue of value...the value of self, of me. I know the truths and can repeat them like a mantra. I am loved, I am cared for, I am valued...but when those words come only from me, how much do they really mean? Frankly, less and less as time goes on. Let's be honest, there is only so much self-talk you can do before your own words ring empty like the echo of a repetitive song. It is in the hearing from others that we understand and believe our own value.

Some encounter this doubt and question if God is truly present or real. I have never doubted my salvation but have doubted his true presence enough to know how painful that is. In all the turmoil around us, the possibility of the absence of God can be terrifying. Once a friend asked me if I really believed God was there, present, aware of every moment of my personal day. My response was "Absolutely! For if His is not, I am doomed." I know that my God loves me. He sent his son for me. What I have always questioned, however, is the why. I have no value. I am worth nothing, so why would this awesome God go out of His way to ensure that I go to heaven? I'm not worth it! My sin is every before me and I can do nothing to repay such a gift. There is no reason God should place such importance on me.

Maybe this one small idea is what inhibits me from truly understanding my own intrinsic value? Maybe it is my inability to recognize that I have value is what causes me to doubt God's sincerity in saving me or maybe it is what holds me back form truly trusting that others value me. I am very open about my feelings towards others. I think they know my thoughts....I value my students, my friends, the people I come in contact with. I think they are all well aware of this. I am not, however, always believing and trusting in them regarding my own value. I also know I cannot do it all alone. But, let's be honest; none of us can do this life alone. We all need people around us who build us up, who remind us that we are valuable to them and have value to the world we serve. If only it weren't so hard to get everyone to voice those wonderful things so we could all live in the surety that we have value and worth, that we are worthy of time and energy and attention.

I encourage you this week to reinforce to those around you that they do, indeed have value to YOU in some way. Thank them for their involvement in your life, let them know they are worthy of love and joy and appreciation. We all need to hear it. Start today.