Holy week can be such an interesting time. Sometimes we joyfully anticipate Easter, the Risen Christ, breezing through the week, vaguely aware of its presence in a peripheral manner. We see the Easter…the celebration. We gloss over the bad stuff, the cause for Easter. For some, there are moments when Holy Week can be distressing as we examine our sinful lives or as we struggle in our everyday battles. For many of us, we must first endure the recognition of our disastrous state and our dire need for a Savior, someone to save us from the pit we have been living in since Adam and Eve.
This second perspective has been my week; distressing. Usually I appreciate Holy Week, especially Maundy Thursday and Good Friday as without them, without the thorough contemplation and recognition of my depravity, Easter is just another Sunday. I appreciate my Easter celebration all the more when I have understood the magnitude of my sin and the depths and heights to which my Savior went to restore me to rights with the Father. This week I was faced with the “normal,” end of the academic year stresses and feelings of being overwhelmed but also feelings of inadequacy to the point of wondering if I am truly acting in accordance with Gods will for my life. Beyond that, and not getting into specifics, a dear friend and I experienced what I will call “a falling on our faces.” It was as if the rug was pulled out from under us and what was good and sure became a spaghetti bowl of inability to communicate, assumptions, misperceptions, fears, and hurt.
Both of us experienced this compounded by stressful work and interpersonal interactions thus we reacted badly to each other. I thought this was the end of a good friendship. Ironically, I thought on some level it was appropriate that it would end during Holy Week…a proper punishment for being a poor friend. Thus, my hole of sin became deeper and more prominent in my life. Ah, there is always symbolism, isn’t there!
In an effort to “fix” our rocky situation we sat down to talk things out on Maundy Thursday prior to church. My perception was it was good to clear the air and discuss our perceptions in honesty and forgiveness and then to worship and commune together. After this, I was feeling better, hopeful, thinking we were back to understanding and comfort with each other. I was wrong. My friend was not peaceful about what had transpired and, when I discovered this on Good Friday, over the phone, we went through it again. I was angry, hurt, disappointed, frustrated…I did NOT want to rehash this. I did not want to revisit it! I was exhausted from risking myself, putting myself out there over and over. My heart was raw and I felt beaten down, as if there was no way to salvage this and I had lost a valuable relationship. In the heat of our Friday discussion I threw something against the wall. What I threw was harmless and I did not think anything of it except it felt good to throw something. There is my moment of anger. I don’t get angry often but this time I just needed to lash out. I didn’t think anything of it.
I can tell you that the relationship has been mended and my friend and I are still good friends with greater understandings of each other as well as the joy that we can come together and look past our hurts to healing, forgiveness, and understanding. I thank God he was there to act as our guide in this.
Today as I was cleaning I noticed a really wonderful smell in my room. I had no idea where it came from or what it was. After some searching I found the item I had thrown behind the dresser and…the reed diffuser with Lavender oil…on the floor next to the dresser. Now, it was not full so there is little mess but there is essential oil of lavender soaked into the carpet and on the back of my dresser. It will take a LONG time for that smell to dissipate. This is my lingering good.
I keep Lavender oil on hand as it is a stress and anxiety reducer, and aids in the relief of my migraines. Its uses as a therapeutic method, for me, have been profound and I keep it in various forms around the house. It calms me, opens the blood vessels in my head when I suffer from a severe migraine, and eases my pain. I find it wonderfully ironic that my angry outburst will now provide me with an anxiety reducing aroma in my living space. I also find it ironic that this occurred during Holy Week… a time where I am exceedingly cognizant of my sinful nature.
Our “altercation” magnified my failings and I lashed out by throwing something…a very uncharacteristic thing for me. Once we were reconciled and I knew we were both at peace with each other once again, I discovered a peace that fills my “space” in a very concrete way. I smell lavender and know that my misperceptions have been forgiven and I can move forward in joy with my friend and with my God.
What an awesome Easter lesson…we are sinful in every area of our lives; some sins we know and some we do not even recognize. We are forgiven in every area of our lives. The lingering scent of Lavender will for months remind me of the power of forgiveness that is mine through Christ’s dying act. It is the forgiveness that has been granted to me by God and which I am reminded of regularly as I am forgiven by those around me.
So, to my friend…thanks for making me angry. I now have a constant reminder of how awesome it can be when friends communicate and forgive and how God’s gift of forgiveness granted through the Risen Christ is the best anti-anxiety medication I can find.
No comments:
Post a Comment