I love when you try a new book and it makes you really think about things in your life. I love how you can carry these ideas through the day and see how they begin to resonate at so many levels.
I am currently on an "I am Okay with being single" reading kick. Every so often when those "I hate my life" moments creep up, I turn to a new book for a kick in the pants, a new perspective, etc. This time God led me to two awesome books. First, It Just Hasn't Happened Yet by Karin Anderson, a teacher here at...the place I work :) I highly recommend this book! It's fun and sassy and honest and bold. It lays out many of the lies we single women tell ourselves and forces us to think honestly about ourselves. Nothing I haven't read before but it was a fun read and refreshed my thinking in very pointed ways. The book I am currently working through is Revelations of a Single Woman: Loving the Life I Didn't Expect by Connally Gilliam. I am finding it an interesting perspective on the single life.
Now, what in this book made me think? Chapter 6, entitled "Men, who needs them?"brought me some great insight. The thrust of her argument is that, in reality, we all need them. Even in an age when women are closer in equality with men than ever before we have not negated our need for the male population. Yes, they are stronger and often innately "handier" than we are but those are more practical reason. The reality is that gender differences enhance who we innately are. When I spend time with male friends I feel more "female" and the reverse is true as well. We allow each other that enhanced gender reality for a time.
The author also keys into one word in her title. The word is "need." Women (and I am one of these) balk at this word "need." We don't want to "need." We do not want the men in our lives to view as needy, as too weak to deal with our own lives so we must turn to them to fulfill something in us. As if we are incomplete without them. In our quest to be "not needy" have we given men the message that they are unnecessary in our lives? Who does not want to be needed? I know I do...I want to be needed for my many talents, for my person, for what I can bring to a relationship or a situation. Do I assume that men do not, on some level, have this same want? Am I "needy" in this or do I simply desire to be known by another. To need is not to be needy. It does not mean we are clingy or pitiful without this man in our lives, it means that our lives are enriched by their presence, that we "need" them for what they bring to our lives...humor, perspective, shared struggles, maybe an ability to haul that mattress up 2 flights of stairs... :)
Along with this concept of need she shares an interesting idea. Genesis 1: 27 says "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Now, bear with me here...Genesis does not say that God created man in his own image and woman as a minor or lessor version. Nor does he say that one gender was in His image but separate from the other. God created man and woman, together, in His image. Could this mean that when joined together in Godly fashion, man and woman together are the true image of God, the complete image? If this is the case, is it any wonder most of the single population longs to be married. It is a natural desire, imprinted in us from the creation of the world.
Now this is starting to sound like we should all be married...and not where I am going but let's be realistic. Many of us singles wish to find that one person God has prepared for us. When we eschew the idea of marriage with the statement that we are complete without a man; who needs men, we lie. We long to be complete and yes, in some ways the marital relationship is one of completing our preferred image of Godliness. Also, it is okay to "need" the men in your life. It is okay to let them know you need them. They are a gift just as your girlfriends are. They have purpose and value in your life. So instead of being afraid of being "needy" take a hard look at yourself. If you are the clingy type and truly needy then maybe you need to back off. If you are simply needing that man in your life, to balance you, to bring joy and challenge and laughter, and support...why not let them know? I bet they need to be needed as much as we women do. Too bad we are so busy protecting our own hearts that we neglect there's.
Realize there is always another perspective to any relationship and, while you may not know the other clearly, the reality is that simply caring and loving another as you wish to be loved and needed brings great rewards and often greater understanding. So, if you need that man...he may need you as well and just not know how to tell you that. If you feel more "yourself" (either more feminine or more "manly") when you are with certain people of the opposite gender, more than likely they have that same response and enjoy your company because of it. We are meant to compliment each other, to "need" each other, to enjoy each other. Let God live in you as you live in His image.
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