April 1. April Fools Day. The day when we play ridiculous childish pranks on each other, when the urge to be immature and foolish is given full rein. Well, welcome to the fools blog!! Not that I am a trickster but I am indeed a fool. Or, at least I feel as if I am a fool. Or maybe rather I am foolish... but, if one finds themselves behaving foolishly or taking part in foolish things, isn't one thus, a fool? Yes. Thus, I am a fool.
The dictionary defines "fool" as: "a silly or stupid person; one who lacks judgement or sense." (dictionary.com) I don't think I am stupid but I do fall into the silly category at times. And not silly in the ignorant sense but silly in the ridiculous sense. However, I do see myself in the secondary category; one who often lacks judgement or sense.
When someone (like say, ME) continues to follow the same pattern and expects a different result they are foolish. Like waiting until the last minute to finish an assignment in a subject you struggle with. Not wise but foolish. Like when a person extends themselves repeatedly and is continually rejected or unrecognized why continue in that patter when the result is unsatisfactory. Again...foolish. Like loving someone who cannot, will not or simply does not return that feeling. When we love wholeheartedly and with all God has given us and that love is not returned. Foolish! Why do we continue to "feel" those feelings and pray for that one we love and reach out to that one? Why put ourselves in that position. It is the proverbial banging of a head against the brick wall. I continue to ask myself why...WHY???
I have no clear answers to this foolishness but I can give you a small insight into my brain on this one at this particular moment in time. When God commands us to love (and yes, it is a command!) He does "simply" that. We are told to love. Some people are easier to love than others and some, while easy to love, struggle with how to reciprocate that love. Loving is not "simple." Loving means leaving that person in God's hands, helping them to know your love is there for them, present when they need it, a foundational support for them. It is then allowing them to be them. It is knowing that what is in you is from God and won't change as they traverse the path God has set down for them. It is a surety in the constancy of God and His never changing love that allows you to let people go. Love is often painful and frustrating and lonely and sad and disappointing. It can make us feel needy and wanting and solitary. It can also be joyful and healing and filled with laughter. It can make us strong and confident and wanted and needed.
And so today, on this First day of April...the day of fools, I will revel in my foolishness. I will exclaim to you...I love you. Some of you know this. I have told you (and told you and told you and told you...). Some of you believe and trust in that and we build on that mutual love and respect. Some of you cannot articulate that in return and this fool is going to be okay with that.
My love to you is a gift, freely given. It is a seed planted in the garden of my heart for you. It will grow to be whatever I and you allow it to become; a small seedling soon plowed under or a strong and sturdy tree, weathering the tempests of time and trial. I will be a fool. I will love you with all God has put in me. Am I truly being a fool? yes. I am loving people who do not necessarily love me in return. I am hoping for a better return on my investment than I have received in the past. I am foolishly investing in broken people and broken promises. But the fool in me is also a broken person who has broken promises and if I expect others to keep loving me, I must also love in return. Thus, I must put on Christ each day and love, as he loves and as only I can love with Him in my heart.
You know who you are...I love you.
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