Too much of nothing necessary

Years ago I wrote the following poem. Funny how all these years I have shared it with no one and now I am putting it on the Internet. I am feeling either brave or desperate...

TOO

In excess of

The extreme

Too much

Too far

Too...too

Too sad

Too lonely
Too morbid

Too depressing

Too fat
Too ugly

Too short

Too pushy

Too needy

Too demanding

Never just right

Never just enough

Always

Too

You get the picture.

What is often so difficult for me is the reality that while there are so many areas of my life where I am "too," there are just as many where I am "less." Lately my inadequacies are screaming at me. I am so much "not enough" and it grieves me to my soul. Maybe this is why I am still single. Possibly I am too much of so many insufficiency's and not enough of many more desirable aspects. Do I even possess the qualities God is looking for in me? Maybe I am not even enough for Him to love?

This week is turning out to be quite a struggle. Everywhere I turn I am hit with another insufficiency, another area of my life where I am lacking. Either that, or I am looking in the mirror and there is too much of another thing; too much need, too much person, too much want... Possibly I should add to the list "too demanding, too emotional, too incorrigible, too impossible, too impulsive, too ..." I guess the list of over abundances could go on and on.

Trust me, I am trying not to be over dramatic here; but to simply be honest and share the day-to-day challenges that many of us face. Maybe the reason I am sharing this is because I find no fear is sharing with you my realities. I find no shame in expressing to you my real, sinful nature. This is who I am with all my heartaches, warts, fat, sarcasm, insufficiency's, poor choices, and all.

Now, what to do? Well, I am going to take my "too-ness" and my "lack-of" and curl up in bed with a book, hopefully to forget about myself, my life, and how crappy this week is turning out.

I hope each of you has a better night.
I guess the answer to the first paragraph is "desperate" not brave. Bravery is nothing I am "too" good at right now.