The Gift un-Heartache

What kind of title is that? Let me ramble and see what happens...

I think I am a pretty typical female when faced with the exciting prospect of a man who may be interested in a relationship. The risk is, of course, putting ourselves out there; letting a man know we are interested, we are open to exploring the possibilities. What comes next can be awesome or, it can be painful. Depending on the man and the circumstances there can be heartache. Heartache...hurts. It can take your breath away, it can leave you tearful and speechless and angry and hurt.

I had the best experience with un-Heartache this past spring. What does this mean? It means I am not seeing anyone, I am not in a romantic relationship. I am in a phenomenal, strong, committed friendship with a man who makes me a better person. Before, when I contemplated the possibilities of a relationship, I was anxious and doubted myself and him. I was "hyper" about each moment of the day. It was not a fun time. Now that we are friends who care about each other and trust each other, the doubt is gone. I am confident about him and about me. I have no heartache at the loss of what might have been but joy in what IS. I chose NOT to be heartbroken about the reality that there was not going to be a romantic relationship and let God work in me to show me what could be if I let Him work.

One thing this has taught me is to live not in expectation but in surprise. I work very hard to not "expect" anything from this man or from the people around me but to let each reaching out, each event be a surprise. When we live in expectations we are constantly judging people in regards to how well they meet our expectations. When we leave expectations outside the relationship every thing they do or say is treated as new and unexpected and a surprise and we appreciate it more. It's not expected, it is a gift. If he calls or texts, I am ready and open to our conversation and look forward to the laughter that most certainly comes. If I text and he does not respond, I know he is busy and will get back to me when he has a chance or the creative well has run dry. I don't expect, I rejoice when the connection is made.

God has given me this awesome gift and my un-Heartache is the best part. I am content, peaceful and happy that He has blessed me with the knowledge and wisdom to look past my 16-year-old giddy response to create something deeper and more lasting than I would have ever anticipated.