We are now 8 days into the New Year and I have already failed at my resolutions! No worries though. I have reminders everywhere and am daily recommitted to some significant changes. I decided to approach life a bit differently as of Jan 1 and thought I would share some thoughts in this regard.
After much thought and prayer, I sat at my computer on New Years Eve and created an organized list of goals and changes I wanted to make. These are divided in four categories: Physical, financial, Spiritual, and Personal. Under each category I listed 5-6 things I wanted to attempt to do (exercise every day, see more movies, etc.) and then one large goal (like the total amount of weight I would love to lose by next Christmas, etc.) I have several copies of it at home and one at work. Then, I created a list of significant things I will say “Yes” to in the coming year and things I will say “No” to. Today I want to talk to you about the “no’s.”
It may sound odd but life has a way of leading you down paths you aren’t even aware you are on. In the last year I have realized that the path I have been traversing is not only unhealthy but only reinforces other unhealthy habits. Let me give you an example; I have been heavy for most of my life. It is only in the last 10 years or so that I am seeing what an emotional eater I truly am. That is a path I have been on for a long time. In this last year, with the help of therapy and friends, I am beginning to discover where the emotional issues reside and deal with them. I am also seeing that those issues have created many of the things I need to say “no” to… It is the deeply felt emotional state that leads to other poor decisions or destructive behaviors. So…while I am not saying “no” to food, I am saying “no” to the other traps or ruts along the path.
I am saying NO to laziness. The tendency to sit, to continuously be inactive for an extended length of time and leave life unattended (now, relaxation is one thing, laziness is another!) is a constant temptation and one that I have been doing well at battling in the last year but it needs more. I hate that feeling when you have accomplished nothing in a day simply because you have not gotten off your butt and addressed anything. In the past those days were many. In the last year they have been less. In 2012 they will be even fewer. It is in laziness that I find myself dwelling, “chewing on my brain’ as my friend says, and sliding into dark places. That’s not how I want to live.
I am saying NO to Doubt…We all live in doubt at times. Life tosses challenges at us and we question; it’s a natural thing. What I am talking about is deeper and more resonant. I am talking about doubting my own value, doubting I am loved by God, by family, by the family I have created around me of people who have chosen to be in my life. I have lived in a constant state of doubt for far too long, questioning my own worth even in the face of solid proof that I am loved and cared for. This year I am keeping tabs, recording all the myriad ways love is reflected back to me so that I can go back in those hard moments and say “yes, Julie. You are loved. You are valued. You are worthy of being loved.” I am tired of doubt.
I am saying NO to Self-pity. It was not until recently that I realized how pervasive this can be. What I am talking about is the tendency to focus on the negatives and allow them to override all else; to share those negatives in the hopes that others will feel badly for us (pity us) and commiserate. Our ills are worse than others and we are alone in our struggles. Let’s be realistic, this is completely untrue! Yes, our struggles are unique to us but we are never alone in them and most of life is within our “control” to alter. It is important in our lives, it is important to me to have those people with whom I can share my struggles, who I can share my life with. All of that is good and necessary for healthy people. When I focus on those struggles only and refuse to recognize the positives, or look for active means of changing my struggles to successes, all I want is pity. I don’t want pity. I want sharing, I want advice, I want hope. Self-pity has no place in my hopeful world.
I say NO to Darkness. It’s no surprise that I struggle with depression. There are times when I find myself overwhelmed by an unnamed and almost tactile darkness. To admit that this darkness is comfortable is rather disturbing but it’s true. This darkness is almost womb like in its safety. It’s a place I’ve created for myself where I can be surrounded by all things comfortable and isolating. For all its perceived safety, it is not a safe place. It is a place where I can hide, isolate, wallow. It’s a place where self-esteem plummets, where no one can reach me and where I return to being my own worst enemy; obviously not a safe place. The need to fight the darkness is real and I am determined that I will spend less time in this place and more time living in light and joy this year.
I say No to Fear. Life brings with it a certain amount of fear. We carry so much baggage with us in this life, adding fear makes the load even heavier. Everything seems exponentially worse when we are afraid; especially afraid of being abandon, being left, being unloved, being alone… Let’s face it, I can be afraid of facing a life-threatening illness but facing it alone only exacerbates the fear itself. Fear can never completely be eliminated but when it is ungrounded or stems from my own weaknesses or doubts, it needs to go. Thus, I will work harder to identify the reasons for moments of fear and fight unfounded fears with peace, calm, trust, and prayer.
I am not good at saying no…but this year I will be better at it. I will say no to things that harm me or cause me distress. I’m thinking this is a good start. Feel free to call me on my slip-ups! Soon to come, see what I am saying Yes to!
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