Some of you who track my Facebook status may wonder what is going on as some of them have been rather cryptic as of late and hinted at some possible health issues. The short version is that I went to the Dr. for swollen ankles and have discovered that for some reason my kidneys have turned on me. I will be having a biopsy in 2 weeks to discover the cause but the upside is, I am still healthy, my kidneys are still healthy and undamaged but changes must be made. Quick medical intervention will lead to healing and a complete recovery. It will take time, of course but God has blessed me with wise physicians and the marvel of modern medicine.
It has been a long 2 weeks fraught with fear and tears and lots of unknowns. Being a single woman, in a big city, with no family near I have often wondered what would happen if I encountered something like this; how I would cope. Let’s be honest here, there were moments when coping meant curling up on the couch under a heavy blanket having a good cry. There were moments when coping was long tearful walks trying to run away from myself. Sometimes coping meant...not coping at all.
So, how did I cope? Naturally, my family has been concerned and attentive and always in touch but they are hours away and I am sure feeling a bit removed. Who was here to get me through? My friends or rather the family I have chosen for myself* came to me. They would not let me hide or wallow or sit alone in fear. They came to me, the made me laugh, the watched me cry, the asked questions and at every turn they reminded me that I was not alone. One of the best reminders I have is a text stating "I'm with you." I felt their prayers constantly and I continue to know they are ready to face the next steps with me. Changes are coming as steps need to be taken to make sure this never happens again but they are there, already encouraging, keeping me mindful, willing to join me in this new approach, cajoling, and constantly reminding me that I’m not alone physically and that my loving God is always beside me.
As I look back at 2011 I see a lot of struggle, a lot of pain, a lot of confusion, a lot of change. Of course there was good! I went to FRANCE!!!!! :) But there are so many aspects of it I would rather not repeat. So, I truly do look to 2012 as a new start. A chance fix the body that has turned on me, an opportunity to change the heart that wants to live freely in Grace and forgiveness. This is Julie’s year for being “whole.” For working toward being the best I can be in every aspect of my life but also making sure I HAVE a life, not just a job or a career but a LIFE…things that bring me joy, things that make me laugh, things that stretch my intellect and my skills.
Dear Lord, this year I am going to live 100% for you.
* Lisa, Debbie, Maurice, Sarah, Tyler, Laura, Lorraine, Kim, Rosa … (2 of you are my family but I wanted you to recognize that you belong here as well!) in your own ways, and for different reason you have stepped in and been my family. I thank God for you every day!
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