I don't usually write this way but today is an exception. I awoke with a severe migraine this morning so have spent the majority of the day under the influence of some nice sleep-inducing drugs, waiting and hoping for the pain to recede. Little did I know that checking my email once the fog lifted would put me in a tail-spin.
The death of a colleague and friend will do that. I have known Beth for years. Her husband was a sociology professor in college and once of the greatest, most wonderful, faithful, interesting and interested men I knew. I sang for Pete's funeral many years ago after his sudden death. Today the word was only "Beth passed away this afternoon. Arrangements are still being made and will be communicated when they are known." Wow.... I am in shock as I am sure is much of the community where we worked. But more than shock I am hit with how carelessly I live my life and how quickly it can end; the curtain drawn before we have a chance to correct the wrongs we have done, or tell those closest to us how precious they are.
It has been a rough couple of weeks for me, as I am sure some of you have read or wondered. Only just yesterday did I feel my real self emerging from it's dark shadowed place. I hate when my mind takes me there but the human psyche is a mysterious thing and I battle the depression within thus, there are times when I live in a dark spot and no amount of reaching or fighting helps to lift it. It's a waiting game. So now, as I am finding the light again I am faced with death, the realization that life ends when God dictates, not when we would prefer. That I have spent long in the darkness and wasted precious time tussling with negative emotions instead of striving to be a light, a beacon, a hope.
Well, that ends now. It may only be a temporary reprieve as those of us who suffer from depression know, the darkness hits when least expected, but today...NOW...I must live in light and hope. I must reach out to those I love and tell them "I love you. Simply because you are you. Because God has put you in my life and you have made a difference in it." It is a day to reach out to my students and assure them that they are special and appreciated and supported and I will do my best to be the best teacher I can be for them. It is a day to sing my loudest and best, to laugh more, play more, and live the life God has given me to it's fullest. Life is to damn short to let it go buy sitting in my office or wallowing in the darkness or worrying about my bills. Today God is telling me to live and to love to the fullest of my ability.
Beth, rest in God's gracious and loving arms, my friend. You are in a far better place that we on earth can ever imagine. Thank you for your life of love and laughter and for today, teaching me that loving another is God's greatest gift.
No comments:
Post a Comment