Why I write what I write…

Interestingly I have been thinking a lot lately about this idea; why do I write about the topics I choose. Most of them are focused on the interpersonal; my struggles with other people or how I face the interpersonal challenges of life. Many of my blogs have talked about this concept of love or the ups and downs of interpersonal relationships (of both the platonic and the more intimate kind). Today I ask myself why?

The answer here has several “heads,” if you will. My brain is never an easy thing to decipher, even for me so the ability to narrow how I think about this into one simple sentence is not going to happen. First and foremost, our greatest command given by God is “To Love.” In my human struggle I continuously fall short of that and constantly am working to figure out how to do this as I am commanded. Part of my personal process in this is to explore what it is; the better I understand God’s command to me, the better able I am to carry it out. Thus, understanding the nature of love is key to knowing the how in conveying it.

Secondly, it is human nature to want and need to be loved. Everyone has that innate desire to know they are loved by another human being. Our personal command to love and our individual needs to be loved would seemingly blend well but they do not. We all experience love in different ways and need to hear it in different ways (see Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages for some great insights on this topic!). In order to love better I must understand more than my own ways of conveying or hearing those words; I need to “get” other people, I need to understand how others hear or feel loved.

Sometimes the first step in understanding another is to understand yourself. Thus, I yearn to know my own heart and head as I interact with love, with others, with myself. The need to be loved is strong and in my own struggles to understand myself I have come to realize that I seem to have a wealth of love to give but am often stymied as to how to give it so it is received in the fullness of its intent. There are times when I ache because it seems there is no one who wants it. And other times I have given until I feel empty and yet there is more demand. So part of my struggle is learning to balance who and when and how much yet the command still exists…”to love…as Christ loves me.”

Scripture tells me “Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). There are some I would gladly do this for. They do not realize that and it may make them uncomfortable to know it but if I were tested, I would gladly give myself in that way. I am not boasting, I am simply expressing that I love some better than others. In all truth, that is probably a poor way to love…some more than others but we are human and sinful and forgiven for such blatant shortcomings.

I go back to something I said in my last post. To love people is essentially a choice. Some of my musings are an honest attempt to understand why, when it brings such pain, heartache, and disillusionment, do we chose this. It is a daily commitment to put our shoulder to the often-immovable rock of human sinful and ego and resistance and say “I will love you. You can resist or try to drive me away. You can push against me and even unknowingly thwart my attempts but God has commanded me to love you, He has put that love here for you and I will not turn away from that command.” Well, we do choose it; because we need to love as much as we need to be loved.

I could go on and on about this but that would turn this blog into a book and if I’m going to write that, I should find a publisher and make you pay for it!  Thus, I will end with this. Human relationships are messy and chaotic and dirty and painful. I had a friend once who told me they wanted things to just be simple and easy. I think they now regret staying friends with me as there is nothing simple or easy when it comes to caring about people (or maybe it’s just me that makes it messy?). Loving your neighbor means getting involved, it means hearing their cries in the night and responding. There is nothing simple or easy or neat and orderly about it. It takes courage and faith and love. I guess, in the end, I write because I love. In order to be better at this essential task, I need to explore it. To do less, to share less would be to shut myself off from the awesomeness of human relationships and the human struggles we all share to connect and love each other.